Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash
Everyone who is single has been asked at some point: ‘So, haven’t found the one yet?’
Everyone seems to want to set you up. But do we really need someone else to be happy? A relationship is not the be-all and end-all. It is a part of life (if you want it to be).
“I’m single because I was born that way”. So said the famous American actress Mae West.
On certain occasions such as Saint Valentine’s Day singles are often looked at with a little pity.
But it’s not the end of the world if you’re alone. Many will live alone at some point in their lives. This can be a conscious choice but also the death of a partner, a break-up, a divorce, and so on. By the way, you can also live alone with children.
However, our society still places too much emphasis on finding a new partner. Some people think this is the only way to be happy or successful. But all the romantic stories we are constantly bombarded with can be suffocating. Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to find someone and settle down, but why expect this of everyone?
Being single can also be a choice and not a lack of options. A choice to refuse to let your life be determined by your relationship status, a choice to love yourself, the choice to live the way you want to. And I have to be honest: by staying single, I fell in love with my freedom.
“To love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” – Oscar Wilde said that, remember.
It’s not that I don’t want or need people in my life, it’s not that I’m against relationships… It’s just that I like being single. And that doesn’t make me an alien. On the contrary.
I don’t want to make my happiness dependent on anyone. People think it’s right to have relationships because their friends and family have families. Don’t forget that it can sometimes be better to live alone than with someone you don’t get along with, who makes your life miserable or is so jealous that they restrict your freedom. People who fly solo often have the strongest wings.
Of course, you can sometimes feel lonely and depressed when you are on your own. But if you really want to be a happy single, stop seeing being alone as the boring time you spend between relationships and embrace it. Instead of focusing on what you are missing, focus on what you have: you. Being single allows you to focus on your life and figure out who you really are and what your needs are.
It can also give you some perspective. You may find that other things in life make you happy, besides spending time with people. It can offer you opportunities to be more self-aware and introspective, while also allowing you to explore your interests without the interference of others. It does not make you weaker, but much stronger. In short, being single can be just as fulfilling as having a partner, if you know and love yourself just the way you are.
And why would you compare singles with people in relationships? That is like comparing apples and oranges. The situations are not at all the same. Singles are given the feeling that they are missing something. But what? Companionship, good conversation, sex, a hug?
What weighs most heavily in not having a relationship, however, is that you are financially on your own.
And that is not always easy.
In Belgium, we pinned our hopes on the new federal government coalition agreement, but according to expert Michel Maus this is not really a major step forward in fiscal policy. For example, halving the marriage tax credit saves the state money, but does not benefit single people. Increasing the tax-free allowance will yield something in the long term, but the fact remains that no one is taxed more heavily than single people without children.
And all the rest are often illusions created by society. Love yourself first, because you are the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Don’t be afraid to walk alone and above all: don’t be afraid to enjoy it!
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The Author, Carla Dejonghe, is Alderman in Brussels’ District of Woluwe-Saint-Pierre for Economic Life, Culture, Education, Academy, Library and Nurseries.
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